Pencil Sketches

 

When you fall in love with journaling, you see and hear things you might not have noticed before, and then as if by magic, you are connecting "this with that"-something from the past. It is as if you are writing your journal from the past right here in the present, changing the future of your feelings. This is why I love journaling.

Pencil Sketches

Laurie Benson Dec 2021

This Monday went from, 

“I don’t think I can do this

anymore,” to, “Life is

beautiful and thank you

for one more day.”

Transformation.

Body and soul.

How is it so, that

I can change and 

rearrange my pain

both emotional and

physical, but also

mental anguish,

The stinking thinking

that circles the drain

of my life every time

I let it.

The unlikely change

occurred when I

saw on the gym telly that

Sylvester Stallone was showing

all of his art from the

past thirty or so years

in a museum in Germany.

Rocky, the artist?

And yes, he did paint

a portrait of himself,

like all good artists who

find themselves through

the end of a brush.

“Finding Rocky,” was 

painted partly with

a screwdriver.

Clever.

The mental anguish

I suffer is transformed

through my journal memory,

a private walk through the

Stepping Stones of

time, taking me back

to a sixth grade student,

small for his age.

So small that he was 

always playing

tough guy.  A hard

act to keep up.

And he is handing me

a piece of looseleaf

lined paper that has

been folded so many

times it is a triangle.

A very tight triangle.

Can you look at this,

he asks.  I slowly

unfold each level of

the triangle and see

a pencil sketch of

a bird.

Did you do this? I say,

but it sounds accusing

when really I am

amazed.  

Yes, but

don’t show anyone 

because it’s not

good and

drawing is only for

girls.

Grown-up-sixth-grade-guy,

I hope you are watching

the telly today from

your office somewhere

and finding out that

one of the toughest

of all the guys has

just been brave enough

to show his art,

to everyone.

I hope you see now that

nothing is just for girls,

and that being good

is an opinion.  I hope

you pick up the mechanical

pencil that is next to your

computer and doodle

a tiny bird

on the notepad or

desktop calendar.

And when you do, I

hope you touch that

bird with your beautiful

finger, and it flies away.