This post was written before we were teaching online school for our students. It's interesting for me to read back on it now and see the difference in how I feel now, compared to then. A new normal for sure. Journals don't help me with history....they help me with mystory. The story of feelings. Life.

by Laurie Benson
inspired by Robert Frost

For the first time
in a long time,
I felt like going
the gym, because
I know I will feel
better when I
go out of
the gym. Oh! And
my shoes, the blue
ones that hold
my feet not too tight,
just right,
their grippy hexagon
patterned soles pulling
me forward, as
I walk on the
treadmill to

But, I did feel better,
not just because I
was leaving, but
because of those
Endorphins. God's
gift to all gym
warriors, no matter
the size or shape
of their bodies.

At work, the children
came in, one by one,
in a line of little
learners, full of
expectation and anxiety,
and eight-year-old
hope. I wanted to
shout, "Don't worry!
I'm a third grade
grown-up, and I
know how you feel!"
But instead, I climbed
off the lifeguard
tower and swam
with them, so they
would believe it.

Day done, and the instant relief of
the garage door coming down,
skimming right
behind my running car.
Shutting out the word
and all the worries
that can wait
until tomorrow.

But further inspection
of the kitchen, reminded
me that I had to
go out again. To find
food. Not to McDonalds
this time, a lunchtime
luxury where I joined
the human race of
over 50 billion served.
One in a million? I'm
one in fifty billion, yet
part of the human
hamburger eating race.

First a trip to the
neighbor, a man with
two green thumbs
who is a generous
garden grower, and
I laughed at the size
of the English Cucumber
he gifted me. The
fertile soil of

Feeling sorry for
the cucumbers in the
store, wondering if
they knew how much
larger their lives could
be, wondering that
about my own life.

And then the back and forth of unloading
the food, reminded of
the time my small son
said, "All of life is
just moving things from
one place to another."
And that was our
seventh move as a
military family-one
place to another.

"God," I say aloud,
"Grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change, or
change easily at
the gym.
Courage to change the
things I can, like
looking into the eyes
of the line of liittle
learners, and encouraging
a smile,.
And wisdom to know
that right now,
I have to lay me down
to sleep."

For I have promises
to keep.

photo credit Feliphe Schiarolli on Unsplash